This was my first pregnancy and it was going really well.  Logan was always happy and healthy inside me until on May 8th 2007 my pregnancy took a turn for the worst.  I started having a little bit of spotting and was told not to worry about it; I still did.  He was conceived January 19th 2007.  I then started to bleed a lot more with many blood clots.  My doctor wasn't concerned so I tried my best not to be as well.  His ultrasounds were showing he was growing properly and he was very happy and healthy.  I then decided it was time to go to the hospital as I was bleeding quite a bit with no cramping.  They took me back right away and did an ultrasound.  As before he was happy and healthy and kicking and moving so they sent me home with no worries.  I returned the next morning on mother's day and once again he was happy and healthy, once again they sent me home with no worries.  Once again I returned a few days later because the bleeding was uncontrollable.  This time they sent me to a special ultrasound to see if I have placenta previa and took some blood.  Once again Logan was happy and healthy and moving so they sent me home with no worries.  I then saw my family doctor who was just as unconcerned as the hospital doctors and said that this was "normal" and he saw no cause for alarm but sent me to the ultrasound place I had been originally going to for another check up.  This is when things turned for the worse. It was June 18th 2007 and the ultrasound lady began by asking if I was leaking any fluid.  I said not to my knowledge but she seemed a little worried but didn't show it of course because she was a technician and couldn't tell me anything other then he looked happy and healthy (just like everyone else was saying).  Well I wasn't home but 10 minuntes and my family doctors office called and asked me to come in the following day June 19th 2007.  Of course now I was really worried but tried my best not to upset Logan.  So I went to the family doctor and he said the results of the ultrasound weren't bad just a little bit unsettling and that he was going to refer me to a high risk pregnancy doctor the following day.  Well this is where things really went wrong. 
 
June 20th 2007 (the day I was supposed to see the high risk pregnancy doctor) I awoke at around 7am with some weird feelings in my lower stomach.  I immediately woke my boyfriend Matt and we proceeded to go to Victoria hospital in London Ontario.  I was rushed up to the baby unit but no one seemed to worried.  They didn't check to see if I was dialating or put heart monitors on me or anything.  Matt and I sat there till 11am when they sent me for an ultrasound once again, which was extremely painful.  Upon returning to my room I sat for another hour waiting for the results.  Around noon the doctor came in and finally checked me and I was 2 cms dialated but she didn't seem too worried as she told me it might just be an infection.  But just in case they were shipping me by ambulance to St.Joes hospital.  I arrived at St.Joes about 1:30pm and was in the worst pain I have ever been in.  Finally they hooked me up to a heart monitor.  The doctor came and checked me and too my extreme surprise I was ready to push.  Oh boy was I scared...I knew it was far too early but they couldn't do anything.  So I delivered Logan Matthew Larose at 2:17pm.  He was 1 pound 8 ounces. The rushed him to the side room and began working to get him breathing.  I was very scared.  Unfortunately, Matt had gone to get gas and did not make it in time because the doctor at Vic told him that it was probably an infection.  Boy weren't they wrong.  Aside from being premature he was perfect his kidney's were functioning, his blood pressure was good, and his body weight was good...his lungs were just too premature.
 
So for the next 13 hours Matt and I struggled with some pretty bad decisions.  Logan's doctor rhymed off some statistics that I barely even remember other then that his Oxygen SAT was no where near the life survival rate.  They gave him a 9% chance of being able to survive but not without some pretty severe problems.  So Matt and I had some pretty tough decisions to make at this time family started to roll in and visit Logan, Matt and I.  I can't remember too many details other then I was fully prepared to take care of a child who had severe disabilities after all he was mine and I didn't care.  But after talking to his nurse and doctor it became evident that Logan was not going to survive even if we gave him more time.  So at 3:30 am on June 21 2007 Matt and I decided it was time to end his struggle and let him be with God.  Matt and I held him for what seems like forever in our arms and then we new it was time to let the doctors do what was needed.
 
Logan Matthew Larose was buried June 23rd 2007 in Elmdale Cemetary above Matt's grandfather.  Every moment of every day I think about my precious angel.  But I know we did the right thing for him.  The next two weeks were such a blur I can't begin to go into detail my feelings because I don't even know how I survived...family and friends are the only thing I really remember.  I go to visit his gravesite often as I feel much closer to him there. 
 
Rest In Peace my beautiful angel.  Always remember mommy and daddy love you and always will.   
 
I love you Logan Matthew Larose!!!!!!!!!!!!