I had a misscarrige six and a half years ago,I still remember it as if it was yesterday. I already had a little boy who was three and a half so was overjoyed to discover I was pregnant again. I did a test at home and went to the doctors to have it conirmed, while I was there I mentioned that my water was a little pink when I went to the toilet, she did a quick water sample and said there was a little blood in my water and told me to go straight to the hospital for a scan. I arrived at the hospital really nervous and feeling anxious. When I was called in for the scan the doctor doing the scan was really abrupt, he asked what I was doing there as I was only about eight weeks and they didnt normally do scans that early. I told him about the blood and that my doctor had sent me, His reply was "well theres definatley something there, Its in the right place but I dont know if its dead or alive" I was so shocked I couldnt even speak, it was the way he said it. After that he just stood up and walked out of the room. The midwife gave me two options 1, I could have a D&C to remove the baby or 2, leave it and see what happens. I  knew straight away I wanted to try and hold on for any kind of hope so she made me an appointment for seven days later. I didnt even make it seven days as on the fifth day I woke up with terrible pains and losing lots of blood.My husband took me straight back to the hospital, the pregnancy assesment ward was closed so I had to go to the maternity ward as If I was hurting enough I was surrounded by new mums with there tiny new babies. There I had an exmination and the doctor told me that the baby had gone.

I left the hospital feeling absolutley devastated, but tried to get on with things for the sake of my little boy. I went back to the doctors and she said I should bleed for the next couple of days but this was quite normal. I continued to bleed for more than two weeks so I went back to the doctors and she didnt really seem that concerned and said it would sort it self out.

Seven weeks later it was christmas and I was still feeling really low and still bleeding. I was out shopping when I colasped, my husband took me home and wanted to get the doctor but I wouldnt let him. Later on that day I went to the toilet and colasped again. My husband phoned the emergency doctor and we were told to go to an "out of hours clinic" ten mile from my house. When we got there a doctor took one look at me and told me to go to the hospital (only one mile from me) when I arrived at the hospital I was scanned again and they found traces of the baby still inside of me and my blood stream was being poisned and thats why I felt so ill. I was booked in for an emergency D&C and as soon as the operation was over I felt like a totally different person. I still think of my tiny baby all the time. I have gone on to have two more children but still feel robbed for the child that I lost, I feel I have nothing to show for that baby, no grave no headstone no place where I can go and grieve and my family members dont even mention it, its as if it never happened. I know I am blessed with my three fabulous children but there will always be something missing and I will never forget "my little lost baby" -Kerry