I lost my beautiful angel Gia Louise nearly 21 years ago when I was 28 weeks pregnant, she died inside me and I have to say that it was the saddest time of my life.

You cant imagine the guilt that I felt, the disappointment in my own body at not being able to sustain the life of my much wanted baby.

My grief was overwhelming and at the time I thought that I would never get past my grief, well meaning people would say to me that time heals and that I was young and had plenty of time to go on and have other children, but it was all meaningless to me, she was my baby girl and her loss devastated me, I was simply broken !

 Back then there was not the help and support that is available today so I was pretty much on my own with all that I was feeling.

 I have a framed photo of my darling girl that the hospital staff did for me and I treasured it, and still do, to all intents and purposes she just looked as though she was asleep in that photo and I would keep it nearby me at all times.

 It took a long time for my grief to subside to a manageable level and 3 years on I was still feeling rather raw, there was a huge gap in my heart that nobody could fill.

It was at this point that I felt the need to try for another baby, not to replace my darling Gia Louise, I could never do that, not even now 21 years later, but I knew that I couldn’t move on as such until I had fulfilled my need for a baby.

 I was fortunate and fell pregnant pretty much right away, and this is where my story turns good.  I had a beautiful baby girl, 9lb 1oz, Carla Rebecca and she was and still is the absolute apple of my eye.  She is 18 this year and an absolute joy and she has bought joy into my once very sad life.

 Carla has most definitely not replaced Gia Louise and never could do but she has helped me to heal.  I still think about my sleeping angel every single day but now it is with memories of the joy that she bought me in my short pregnancy with her.  I light a candle for Gia Louise every year on her birthday.

 So to all you sad and grieving mothers and fathers out there, please be reassured that time does in fact heal and although it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, there will be happier times ahead and there will come a time when you can think of your lost little darling and maybe smile !

 My thoughts are with all the sad and grieving parents out there, I wish you all Love, Peace of mind, Joy and above all Happiness.

 Thank you for reading my story.

 Janice xxxxx