After trying for 2 and i half years i fell pregnant, i was delighted. followed all the dr's orders to the letter.
at 20 weeks i found out i was expecting a girl. my other daughter who was 4 at the time picked her name Emili-Neive.
when i was 26 weeks pregnant my partner and i went for a very rare night out, we went for a lovely indian meal and then met up with friends after.
the following day i was in agony, i thought i had food poisoning. after an hour i was doubled over so a friend called an ambulance.
as soon as i arrived in hospital i was hooked up to all kinds of machines, and then told i needed a section there and then. I argued that it was too early, and a dr was very blunt with me, told me to be quiet and sign the consent form. i did
a few hours later i woke up minus my bump, i was told i had a baby girl, she was 2lbs 3oz, the weight of a bag of sugar. but she was very ill, the date was 3rd december 2000
the dr who had been rude came to see me, he said how sorry he was for the way he had spoken to me, but if it had not been done there and then not only would my baby have died but i would have also.
Emili had to have an op when she was 12 days old to fix her bowel that had ruptured.
we decided to have her baptised on the 18th december.
after visiting on xmas eve i was relaxing at home with my other daughter when i got a phone call that no mother should ever have to get, i had to go back to the hospital, they did not think she would last the night.
as i arrived they were resuscitating her, this happened 4 times in 3 hours. at 8 in the morning, her dr came to see me and explained her quality of life IF she survived, the decision was made, she would not be resuscitated again. at noon she took a turn for the worst and was taken off life support, my first and last cuddle. at 2pm she opened her eyes and smiled at me before taking her last breath.
7 years on i still miss my xmas angel, i think what makes me worse is the fact around november everyone starts getting ready to celebrate, i start to remember the raw pain of the xmas day that took my daughter.
time is a great healer, but there are things that set me off even now, a song, a smell,
for a long time i could never think about having another baby, fear of lose in any form. but i am now 2 days over due with another girl, milika, african for angel, so life does go on, milika will never take Emili's place, but she will take away some of my pain
