I was 12 days late for my period so I said to my partner I think we should do a test. 2 blue lines appeared, I was in total shock but instantly so excited and over the moon. My partner was the same. The next morning we done another test just to be sure and that was positive too. We booked a doctors appointment as didn't know what to do next, the doctor was horrible. All she said to us was 'Your only 5 weeks, you know 1 in 5 miscarry before 12 weeks.' From that moment on we were both petrefied we would lose our baby. We saw a midwife at 8 weeks and had our first scan booked for 12 weeks.
The day of our scan arrived, we were both so excited but very nervous, we said my Mum could come with us as she was so excited too. There popped up on the screen our baby, kicking away and heart beating strongly, that was one of the happiest moments of my life. My partner squeezed my hand and kissed me. There were 2 midwifes in the room and they started whispering I instantly knew something was wrong. They told us there was a lot of fluid around my baby's neck and I need to see a specialist, didn't tell us what this fluid could indicate so we didn't know what was happening. They took us to a private room and said to wait until they had got us another hospital appointment. 15 minutes later she came back and told us we had an appt later that day.
At 3 o clock that afternoon we went for our appt. The consultant did another scan and told us I would need an amniocentesis (I'd never heard of this) and they would do it there and then. It was so uncomfortable having that large needed inserted into my belly, I was watching the screen just making sure the needle wasn't anywhere near my baby. After that I was sent for blood tests and was told some of the amnio results would be back within 5 days.
That weekend was the longest of my life, we were both so worried about the results. I went to work on the monday and was anxiously waiting for a phone call from the hospital. At lunch time I got the call that I was dreading. I was told my baby had a chromosome abnormality called 'Turner's Syndrome' I'd never heard of it and was devestated. We knew it was a girl as Turners is where only 1 X chromosome is present. Me and my partner were so upset and immediately started reading up on the internet all about it, gathering as much information as we could.
The next day we went to see a consultant again and was told her chances of surviving were not looking good. Infact 95% of turners baby do not survive. We were terrified. We were asked if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy and me and my partner looked at eachother and said 'No way' we couldn't do that, she deserved as much a chance as anyone.
We went for a scan at 14 weeks and the fluid around our baby girl had got a bit worse. We were told we'd have a very detailed heart scan at 16 weeks as alot of Turner's baby's have heart problems. Also if the fluid got any worse she wouldn't survive.
The next 2 weeks were so hard. We hoped and prayed her heart would be ok and the fluid had reduced. We decided to name her Sophie.
We went for our 16 week scan and it was the worst posible news. Her heart was failing and the fluid had more than doubled. We were heartbroken. We were told she wouldn't make it past the next few days and they strongly advised we terminate the pregnancy. My world fell apart hearing those words. We had no choice, she was going and there was nothing we could do to help her.
We had an appointment at 3 o clock that day to take the tablet to tell my body I was no longer pregnant and 48 hours later I would go to hospital to have my baby. After taking the tablet I was a mess, could not stop crying and felt so lost. The rest of that day and the next day was a blur.
On the saturday morning I had to go back to hospital to be induced and have our baby Sophie. I was so scared. We were taken to a room of our own. I was given some tablets and had to sit and wait. Pains started almost immediately. I was given pain relief. More tablets after 3 hours then morphine to ease the pain.
Our Sophie was born within 5 and a half hours. She was born on the 5th May 2007 at 14:28. My partner saw the whole thing and was very upset, he held my hand all the way through. They took her away and asked if I'd like to see and hold her. I was worried how she would look but I wanted to see her. She was brought in to me in a pink blanket that I had asked her to be wrapped in and she was so tiny and weighed only 90 grams. Was very hard for us both to see her. We held her for a little while and sat and cried together, our little family. The midwifes took hand and foot prints for us and a couple of photos and put them in a little book for us to keep.
We went home that evening. I was still very drowsy from the morphine and went straight to bed. The next morning I remember waking up and I have never felt so lost and empty before in my life. Our baby was gone, I was no longer pregnant, we were not having our baby we longed for so much.
It is still very raw for us. Was only just 5 weeks ago. The hospital arranged a little funeral service for us on Thursday the 7th June. The service was lovely, very hard and upsetting. My partner carried her tiny little white coffin to the front and I laid a single pink rose on top. I had wrote a poem that was read (I couldn't read it was too upset). There was me, my partner, my parents and my partners mum and my anutie there with us for support.
Our Sophie touched so many hearts in such a short time and she will always be a part of our lives.
Me and my partner would like to start trying for a baby as soon as we are given the all clear to. I have my 6 week check up soon. We just hope next time will be problem free. Sophie will never be forgotten, we just know we want a baby more than anything in the world. We will always talk about our Sophie. If we have kids they will always know they had a big sister.
Thank you for reading my story.
