I have suffered 3 miscarriages, the first was in April 2002 and was a complete miscarriage with a little bleeding, it was tough but my husband and I were younger then and didn't know what to expect or how to react. We both cried when we were told the baby had died and had already dissolved back into my body. Life went on and on New Years Day 2003 I discovered I was pregnant again, obviously we were both anxious but our fears were unfounded when we went for a 7 week scan and saw the heartbeat, we didn't even consider that it could happen again. I gave birth to our son Jack September 2003 and he is a thriving 3 year old.
As time went on we decided we would like another baby and started trying in October 2006 I fell pregnant after 2 months and we were delighted it had happened so quickly, but as I approached 6 weeks I knew something wasn't right, I had no symptoms at all and although this can happen I knew having had Jack that my body wasn't recognising it was pregnant and after another week I began spotting brownish blood, I was already booked in for an early scan when I reached 9 weeks so I contacted the early pregnancy centre (EPC) and told them what was happening but they said I should wait until my routine appointment as we'd see more. I began having awful cramps like the beginning of labour pains and ended up going to our local out of hours hospital one night to be checked they proscribed pain killers and sent me home, the pain worsened and I miscarried two days later at home. I attended my scan appointment 1 week after my miscarriage to check my womb was now empty which it was and I was sent home and told to rest for a few days till everything had settled down. My period returned exactly 28 days later and was normal. We were devastated by the whole thing but put it down to bad luck and decided that we would like to try again ASAP. I fell pregnant 2 months later in March 2007 and we were apprehensive but still told our parents and close family, I began spotting again at 5 weeks and instantly thought I was losing this baby too, I phoned the EPC who suggested I come in that day to do blood tests and check the hormone levels as I was too early to be scanned. The results of this were very encouraging and so they decided to book me for a scan the next morning to see if there was a yolk sac, I ended up having an internal for a better look and they said the sac was there but very low down and it didn't look good, if there was a baby it was to small to be detected. I was sent up to the gynae ward to speak with a doctor and given advise what to do next. This was a 3 hour wait with lost of other devastated couples all waiting in the corridor, it was awful.
I was told to go home and let the sac expel naturally, I did so but after a few days I began feeling very sick all the time and had very swollen sore breasts, I was booked for yet another scan a week later to check everything had come away so when I went I was very shocked to discover a heart beat along with a mass of internal bruising which explained the bleeding. The nurse said nothing was guaranteed but the scan was promising. I went home ecstatic and couldn't help feeling like this pregnancy was going to be ok. We told everyone the good news which for some was confusing as they believed we'd already suffered another miscarriage but congratulated us on our good news. The bleeding continued as they said it would and I attended another scan at 8 weeks to check progress, I went on my own as I believed it was just routine, how wrong could I be. The sonographer was quiet as usual for a minute and then explained that although the pregnancy sac had continued to grow the baby had not and had died at 6 weeks (just days after the previous scan) and had already dissolved back into my body. The fact I had been having these really strong pregnancy symptoms had meant nothing, I was numb with shock but remained very calm and did not cry which amazed me. I was then faced with a horrible decision as to what treatment to have as the sac was to big to pass naturally. The first available appointment for a D & C was over a week away and they didn't want me to wait that long as the risk of infection was greater so I opted for the Managed Miscarriage and was given an oral tablet there and then and told to come back to the ward 2 days later.
On the Sunday I went back to hospital and had the remaining 4 pessaries inserted to speed up the contractions to expel the sac, the cramps began about 1/2 hour later and the pain was overwhelming I was given strong pain killers straight away but the pain was just so intense. I had to use a commode so the staff could assess what I was passing, every time I went to the loo I was convinced I had passed my baby but it never was. The pain worsened and the last thing I remember was falling onto my hands and knees to try to get to the commode, I fainted with the pain and rapid blood loss and my husband told me that a team of nurses came into the room and goy me onto my bed, when I came round I was still passing blood like quickly it felt like a tap I had been left on and I could feel it flowing out and saturating my clothes and the bed. I was quickly taken to theatre for a D & C and when I came round I just remember being pain free and feeling empty. The next day I was unable to get out my bed because I was very weak and had become anaemic,I had lost a lot of blood during the D & C so I was given a blood transfusion and stayed in hospital for a couple of days. I was told that any light bleeding would end between 7 -10 days. Two weeks later I was still bleeding and so contacted the EPU to get advice they asked me to go back in for another scan to check my womb was empty. It wasn't there was a small (2cm x 3cm x 3cm) peace of tissue which was still attached to my uterine wall and was causing my womb to contract to expel it. I was given antibiotics to see if this would shift it. I returned the week after for another scan and it was still there, this was two weeks ago and as I write this I am going back to hospital for another scan on Friday to check if it has moved or reduced in size as the Dr was reluctant to do another D & C because I lost so much blood the last time. If this tissue is still there I think we will be forced to repeat the surgery as besides the health issues I cannot move on from this miscarriage having been bleeding everyday for 9 weeks and I need it to be over, I need to move on with my life and at this moment my body still thinks it's pregnant and so I will not ovulate or have another period until it is gone. I feel a little lighter just having expressed all of this but I still cry when I least expect it and it shocks me how grief can take over your life. I just hope that this will all be over soon and that maybe one day we'll be blessed with the child that we crave so much. Thank you to Helen Savage story I just read in Take a Break magazine this morning and who inspired me to write this. God bless you all.
