I already had 4 children when i found i was expecting but as it was the first with my new partner we were very excited every thing was well in the beginning of my pregnancy not even any morning sickness at the 20 week scan we found out it was another boy ( i already had 3) and was bit worried the rest of the family wounld'nt be so excited they were i was just being silly we decided on the name archie after i watched a news item about a baby with same name who was very ill ( how ironic now ) and got him lots of clothes ready for him 2 arrive

it was the morning of the 23rd april 2006 when i was 27 weeks gone that i woke up early feeling uncomfortable but no pain just a hard bump and dull backache which i thought was just braxton hicks it was when my partner left the house that i started to feel in a lot pain and rang him 2 come straight back in the mean time i rang my mum who said 2 call an ambulance as i could be in labour early i think thats when i started to worry and when other half arrived back we called for one when i arrived at the hospital they thought i was also in labour and tryed to monitor me but midwife said contractions were to strong to pick up babys heartbeat so she left tried later left again and on it went it was 4/5 hours after i was admitted that i was eventually scaned ( it was a sunday and could'nt find someone to do it ) and told sorry but baby had passed away due to a silent abruption of the placenta at that they would'nt induce me until the next day, our lives fell around us in that room that day, when they finally got my labour going it only took a few hours until my little boy was born i was out of it at the time but remember the midwife sayin oh god its come out in one so i looked down and saw not only baby but placenta and the biggest blood clot i ever saw they had to get a washing up bowl 4 it, it was then that i lost it ( im told i was pretty out of it a mixture of grief, shock an blood loss) it took a few units of blood to bring me round but i still managed to hold my son and daddy cut his cord and dressed him 4 me he also did his hand and feet prints ( lookin back he did so much 4 me at a time when he was also heartbroken but held me up ) we were given a room to be with him it was lovely but felt v odd ( all the morphine didnt help lol ) a midwife took some of his hair and photos 4 us i will always think of that special woman we have took her flowers since. it was hard leavin him at the hospital when it was time he looked so perfect and weighed 2lb 2oz it was hard not to just pick him up and run but we had to and telling the other children was terrible just the look on their faces broke me, i have a place in my wardrobe 4 his pics prints and blanket also a locket with his hair in it we also had a small private berial just family and my best friend ( she had also lost a baby yrs before and was a huge support it was only after i lost archie i really understood her even though id known her 25 yrs ) well enough on that there is some good news im now 21 weeks pregnant with a little girl and looking forward to things going ok i may be induced early and will be scaned reg apart from that not much i can do except ask archie to keep an eye on his little sister and tell him that we have not forgot him and love him dearly

good night little man x

this is the hardest thing i think was writing this but it helped as i dont often talk about him i bottle things up so in a way it has helped also just to say to other family's ( not just mum suffers ) u can move on and good things will still happen in ur life it does'nt mean u have forgot the little ones asleep forever, thanks if u managed to read all of it sorry i went on lol.

fiona x