Thought I would add my story as well.

I first got my first BFP on my birthday, and with DH's birthday being the next day, it was a super present for both of us. I still concider it the best present I ever got, even tho it didn't work out. His family was visiting for our birthdays from across country, so we told them right away, in person.

I had some spotting early on, and the OB I was seeing at the time kept telling me I only had a 50% chance of the ababy being ok. She refused to give me an intake apointment, as things seemed to be going wrong. She was such an insensitive cow I hated her, but didn't feel like I could change doctors. I hated the hospital too, it was too far away, and the scan techs were so cold. They never spoke or answered questions. ever.

The first time I was scanned the yolk sac looked strange, the second time the heart beat was only 70. The third time, there was no heartbeat. The radiologist was very kind about telling me, but the tech had not let me see the screen at all. She turned it away from me when I asked, and said "You don't need to see." Anyway, I had come to the scan with my Dad, DH couldn't get out of work. I had to walk back out to him in the waiting room, devistated, and had to tell him I had lost the baby. He drove me to DH's work a few blocks from the hospital. Even harder to do was to call DH out of a clasroom full of toddlers and tell him our baby had died. The date was November 18th.

I elected to wait and see what happened, but after a week couldn't take the stress of knowing the baby was dead inside me. I had a D&C a week after that. Three months later I got a faint BFP after our first attempt since since the loss. We were estatic. And it seemed like a sign, my due date was November 18th. I changed doctors, and found this lovely woman who was so compassionate. And the hospital she was with was so much nearer my home. Everything went great for two whole weeks, and then I started spotting again. A scan showed a blighted ovum, a late running chemical pregnancy. I had a sac, and a yolk, but no fetal pole. No baby. I misscarried naturally the next day at home, and then when to the ER where my new doctor rushed in from her office to confirm I passed everything, and cried with me too.

After that I was depressed. I felt a failure, that I'd never carry a baby to term. I read everything I could get my hands on about it. One article ( I wish I had it now) talked about the actual statistics of a fertilized egg making it to term. The article suggested that when egg meets sperm there is only a 50% chance that egg will make it. 60% after it implants in the womb. I kept telling myself I was just unlucky so far, but was scared to try again.

The lovely doctor offered me testing, even tho I had only had two unrelated mc's. She said normally the procedure is to wait for three, or two related/similar ones. But she knew I was scared and devistated. The tests came back normal. She told me to try again whenever I felt ready, I had just as good a chance as any other woman.

But DH and I were gun shy. We waited a long time... We never even really "tried again", just kinda decided we would stop corring about birth control and let nature take over. No trying. Just fate.

I found out I was PG in July of 2005. I kept it close, only told my parents, DH's parents, and three close friends at work, for moral support. Ended up having to tell my bosses too after I nearly fainted one day in the sandbox. There was no spotting, tho I checked EVERY time. I got past my previous land marks. Everything went well. I kept track online of my PG on a calandar. I flipped forward through the months and the date of November 18th was lit up. I clicked on it and it said that the 18th was the baby's viability date, the day that if the abby was born on or after that day, it had a good chance of survival. I practicly held my breath until that day came and went without incident. Then I knew it would be ok.

Arik Ian was born on Feb 18th (the magic 18!) Three weeks early, and perfect in every way.

On my journy I learned a lot about life, my self, and other people. I took on more rols at work to deal with my depression, and as a result because an intregral part of the school's program. I began taking meditation classes, and learned a lot about life that way. I also took Tai Chi classes. I made many new friends, and of course had my son.

So many important things in my life would not have happened if I had my first child, but that does not ever remove the pain I felt that day.

Still this is supposed to be a happy ending, so let's be happy. Happy for Arik, now over a year old, and doing wonderfully.

Thank you for reading this far. Love you all, Tara